Their Hearts' Truth.

What was, was real. At least to her unsuspecting mind, clouded by love, which rendered her dumb, deaf and blind.

And so it was invalidated, brushed-off as a Summer-break love (the one that ends as summer does), a tryst, a fling, a casual date, not a love rendering one dumb, deaf and blind.

It was real. All real. But just to her. And a few who only heard her heart's truth and not his.

Her truth, the one which her heart spoke of, was the sense that it was real, genuine, sincere. Her love, his love, was real, to her.

His truth, the one his mouth spoke of, was that it didn't feel right; his heart wasn't ready to love...

Now his heart did speak of love, but that love, was not for her... it was never meant for her. His heart was never hers.

Her heart felt his mouth was recounting a lie, disguising his heart's truth; his love was never given to her. It was never meant for her.

Her love for self was an overwhelming force, more powerful than her need for him and his comfort, his warmth...

With the strength of her heart, her heart acknowledged that the only one worthy of it, is one whose heart has the same truth as hers; her love, his love, is real, to her and to him.

For The Girl Who Gave Her Heart But Was Given It Back Broken.

This post summarised.

You have given it your all; your time, your attention, your loyalty, your devotion, your energy... your love, sweet, sweet love.

The love you had was...

• The kind of love that overlooked his flaws (flaws which could easily constitute as a turn-off when exhibited by others) 
• The kind of love that enabled you to forgive him for carrying out every little thing written on your 'no way' list
• The kind of love that had made you feel like you were in the honeymoon period in your very first month of being his
• The very same love that made you think of him when you got up and went through your day, he was a thought at night and the final thought in your dreams...

... that kind of 'love'.

Whatever was felt, infatuation or love, in that short period of time, you were smitten. So, so, smitten.

Summer ends... and when it ends, all dies. The ending is crushing. The way it ended and the aftermath felt like salt added to the wound; it made it sting, worsening the pain, prolonging the pain and perhaps the healing process.

For the girl who gave her heart but was given it broken in return, it was a lesson.

As cliché as it sounds, a broken heart and an ended relationship are lessons.

It teaches you:

• To regroup and refocus on self; build yourself, strengthen yourself, love yourself more than you could love anyone else, so that you are ready to be loved and love again, in a healthy, free and independent way
• What is good for you and what is bad for you
• What you like and don't like (often you think you know what you want until you actually try it)
• To actually go with your gut instinct more and/or develop and trust it
• How to deal with intense emotions such as anger and sadness, you learn how to deal with it all (you may even find that some coping mechanisms may be too destructive, leading you to choose a better coping mechanism which you can also apply to other situations)
• What boundaries to set and perhaps when to set them
• That relationships aren't all romantic, full of chocolate and roses but rather a mix of ups and downs (for the downs to change into ups a dedicated couple is needed)

You've given your heart, only for him to give it back broken and often, he didn't give you his to begin with.

 

The pain cannot be sugarcoated with any kind of sugar. But like most things that hurt or damage, it will cause some kind of wound that needs to heal. You need to heal first and foremost. 

 

When it's truly over, disconnect yourself from the situation and the person in question; then become selfish. Becoming selfish at this point is difficult because your thoughts are still occupied with someone who is not for you and who is not with you. You will miss him, the support, the love and the good times. 

When it can still be saved, decide if it is worth saving. Decide if the offence caused is worthy of more of your time and energy, decide if it is worthy of your happiness, decide if it is worthy of your future possibilities. 

If you've accepted or found the strength to decide that it's over, focus on healing. Focus on your emotions. Not his, not what he is thinking or feeling... not what will happen to him after the fact. He is not your responsibility anymore.

Letting go

You decide to hold on or let go after weighing up the possible results of holding on and letting go. Letting go there and then may hurt at the very beginning but in the long-run it may actually be better than holding onto something that is sinking and making you suffer all along the way. It's natural to feel unprepared to let go, but sooner is often better than later.

It hurts.

 

It's hurting. The tears will fall, or may not fall or may fall but not as often as it doesn't and that is ok. Your outlet, no matter what it is, as long as it is healthy, should be respected and accepted; let it out. All of it. To pretend you're not hurting is just burying the pain and anger deeper and deeper inside of you, only for it to haunt you later.

The end result of the healing process is to come to a point of acceptance that all that has happened, has happened and you are ready to move on from it. 

It is easy to feel vengeful and hoping that karma will knock on his door faster than it may do, but let it be. With forgiveness, a thank you for the experience and memories, you are gracefully bowing out to become a woman more focused and aware, a woman who will set her sights higher and follow her heart; you are preparing to be a wise woman who will find a wonderful man.

If you don't like someone... TELL THEM.

Disclaimer: This may be too personal but it's something I'm not ashamed of.

 

Let's call this person Mr. A. 

Mr. A. was a nice guy. Really nice. I was... sorta... kinda... into him. Not head over heels, more like in awe and infatuated or something like that. I doubt you can fall in love when you see someone for the first time (it isn't even love, it's infatuation or lust... or both). 

You just know it isn't love if you answer no to the following:

• Would you die for him?
• Would you drop everything in your life to be with him?

Did you say no to the first bullet point or the second or both? 

Then you're not in love.

If you said yes then congratulations! 

So Mr. A. was nice, I couldn't stop thinking about him... it's cringe-worthy when I think about that right now. 

I have to add though (this was in the past) that if a guy was nice to me, I tended to feel a certain way about that (that was my insecurities coming through).

Niceness is normal (I didn't know this at the time). Niceness is something that people may express and it doesn't have to be genuine - it could just be out of respect, or lack of patience for drama or even because you're being paid. 

For example, you have people working in restaurants and bars, they will be nice. If they're not nice; call the manager or don't tip. These people are supposed to be nice. That's their job. You also have people in clothing stores; they are nice too and will say that the purple top that you're wearing with the leopard print shoes looks great (but it really doesn't). So they are nice, not because they want to be but because they are getting paid... it's their job.

And if they're overzealous and putting the dress above on your back and swear up and down that it looks great, you know that he's getting paid commission on top of his salary. 

But back to Mr. A who was charming... took me on the most wonderful dates, called me daily... we just had so much fun and I didn't want it to end.

Then one day. 

POOF.

Never heard from him again. I was frantic. How could someone so nice leave me? I felt special.

But yeah Mr. A. disappeared off the face of the earth and stopped talking to me. Just like that. I don't exist to A. I don't. Not anymore.

This was way back and I've learned so much from it. But if this unfortunately happens to you: 

• Calm down. It's probably for the best.
• Read: He's Just Not That Into You and a number of other relationship type books. You will feel better and much more empowered.
• He was just a date or six. A phone call everyday for two months. The person who sent you flowers on a weekly basis. That is all he was and the good news is that you can do without those things.
• Always think you're the better person. 
• Don't call him profusely looking for answers, he will not respond. Don't key his car or throw eggs at his window. Don't put fireworks through his mailbox - it's not that serious.
•  Don't be too disheartened - you went on a few dates. You didn't start a long term relationship... with children... co-owned a car and a condo... found an engagement ring and knew he was going to ask you to marry him.
• Realise that you deserve better. A good guy won't leave you.
• Realise that he is the one missing out.

That is all you really need to think about to get through this. Just brush it off. You may cry a little bit and wonder where did it all go wrong and analyse texts and previous phone calls but it gets better.

Now for the Mr. A.'s out there:

• If you don't like someone, tell them you're not interested and move on.
• If you only want to be friends, tell the person that you just want to be friends.
• Also, don't ignore them. It's excruciating and it's also very rude. It reflects badly on you and not on them. Respond and tell them that you're not interested.

 The 'don't do this please':

• Lie that you're leaving the country. You are making him/her worried. 
• Lie that you have a terminal illness and that you can't be with the person for that reason. It's nauseating. No further explanation of why you shouldn't do that needs to be given.
•  Tell the person why you don't like them. You don't need to damage them psychologically after rejecting them and then pointing out that they are the problem.
• Get caught with another person the next day. That is so mean.
• Get in touch again and tell them you're interested. It seems that you only want one thing. If you genuinely like them then win over their heart by doing a Romeo and Juliet type of serenade.
• Bad mouth this person to anyone else (especially if they did absolutely nothing wrong!).

I needed to get this off my chest and I feel better. I hope you do too (not the Mr. A.'s but the victim of Mr. A.).