In-Thought Revelations: Juba Conflict

DAY ONE

I experienced a serious case of culture shock. I even asked myself, ‘what am I actually doing here?’. I had just left a hall (with immigration, baggage arrivals, baggage search etc. all-in-one) designated as the arrivals hall of Juba International Airport. I was then met with stares, stares and more stares. Juba's bustling traffic and somewhat disorganised yet 'lively' community was the final thing that tipped me over the ‘culture shock’ edge.

DAY SEVEN

We had arrived home from hiding out at a hotel on the night of December 15th. Let's backtrack. On Day Six I was meant to go back to Jebel, but was given permission to stay another night in Thongpiny (I can only assume everything happened by sheer luck). On the afternoon of Day Seven it had just only sunk in that something serious was happening in Juba. The next three days we were indoors; we couldn't go out and get food and there were no water trucks making their usual rounds.

Thankfully before reaching Juba, I did stock up on a few food stuffs from the UK in case I would miss it. Little did I know, that this was going to be somewhat of a ‘lifeline’ while we were stuck inside our compound.

While sounds of gunfire and artillery was still persisting, social networking sites were run amok by (mostly) self-proclaimed political analysts, peace activists and eyewitness reporters (I am guilty as charged). It was forever interesting reading and hearing people's points of view on what was going on, ''was it a coup?'', ''disagreement between presidential guards?'', ''what's actually going on?''.
I shared my own experiences here on Facebook and on Twitter, some of which got me into the world media. However, not all of my postings were met with encouragement, praise and support, I did get a few messages and comments here and there that were pretty rude. One inbox simply said, 'shut up'. Some comments went beyond normality and I began to calm down on posting as requested by family and friends but still shared the usual things like gunfire sound reports, curfew, etc.

DAY TEN

We left the compound in search of food and water. By suggestion on Twitter we attempted an American/European supermarket on Kololo Road. However it was actually shut so we resorted to going to a shop owned by a Northern Sudanese. We grabbed water, fizzy drinks, cookies, croissants and walked back. It was hot, incredibly hot.
Juba was also dead. There were people around but also (and understandably) noticeably more SPLA and blue-coloured, camouflaged South Sudan Police.

Around this time I also read about the rebels approaching Bor Town and the amount of distress I witnessed on Facebook and Twitter was incredible. However, I was too much into where I was at and I had to process the fact that I myself was in a possible war zone.

People were panicking. Friends were panicking; leave, leave, leave. My passport and other items were in Jebel. I didn't have that many changes of clothes and I didn't have a lot of my things with me, but I made it work.

I guess on the Friday I managed to get to Jebel. I got into my cousin's house, grabbed all my stuff and said my goodbyes. I had my passport and this was a sigh of relief to many. But little did everyone know that I really had no intention of leaving Juba despite the conflict. I did register with the Dutch Embassy (I am a Dutch citizen). They were incredibly helpful and I could have left on the plane the very next day. But... I refused.

I had phone calls from friends and family asking me to leave. I was inundated with Facebook messages warning me; I was stressed out, very stressed out, but I knew they all meant well and it all came from a good place.

THE NIGHTS
The days were fine. We were on the compound, would drink tea, sit outside, gossip then get on social media. The night times were the scariest; almost every night I heard gunfire, sometimes accompanied with human voices and screams.

One night there was a lot of dog barking and human screams. That was the night I woke up my cousin who was sleeping next to me and I cried, a lot. I was scared. I feared for my life. I ended up cuddling up to her and then falling asleep.
Every day I did think, what would happen if they came door to door again? What would happen if Juba was taken over? Where would we hide? How could we hide? Some nights I would close the shutters of the window because I didn't want anyone to be able to look inside as we were sleeping; I was in a constant state of fear.

Approaching the second week there was a day we were meant to get a flight out of Juba to Nairobi but we weren’t able to secure the tickets. Stress was building up again.

DAY 14

Within that week we did start going back to normal life again; meeting with friends for lunch at places, going outside a little more. Life was going back to normal to some extent; there was little traffic and clearly anyone who could afford to leave did leave.
Curfew had already been imposed. Me and my cousin would also be out at Juba Central Hotel using the WIFI until 6pm (almost daily) and then rush home to avoid being inundated with phone calls from aunty and uncle. The evenings seemed long, the nights even longer. I was in fear despite staying and putting on a brave face and still being the keyboard warrior I had always been.

Not only were we plagued by fear and uncertainty, we suffered incredible boredom. Most of our nights consisted of sitting around a makeshift lamp (the flash of a smartphone with an empty bottle of Mountdew on top of it gave the room a nice green glow). We walked down memory lane and reminisced, discussed the Juba life that was before December 15th and we looked forward to the craziness in Nairobi.
In the last three days before our December 27th departure to Nairobi, we were incredibly anxious. I personally was, as mentioned before, in fear. There were many rumours and the situation didn’t appear to improve. Unrest striking Juba yet again to the point that the airport would be shut down, was a high possibility.
The day I left Juba, a major weight was lifted off of my shoulders; I went with my judgment and stayed. I left, unscathed, only to experience much more in Africa.

Update: Where Am I?

Happy New Year (can I still say that? Side note: me and my cousin laugh a little when people still say Happy New Year. Yes. We think it's reserved for the first week of January).

I am now 22.

I am still in Africa, but I've been in Nairobi since the 27th of December.

Due to the conflict in South Sudan which began on the 15th of December, I had to sadly leave and head to Nairobi, where I will stay for a few more weeks. I will not be returning to Juba until later this year. 

So I didn't have much Internet in my two weeks and some days in Juba. If I did have it, I had just enough to tweet and Facebook. 

I would write blogposts on my phone and when I could find WIFI, I would post them. It's a way of blogging I didn't really like because I ended up writing some of my posts like diary entries. I also couldn't post my blog entries in the order I wanted to. Finally, I didn't write about or during the conflict; I was incredibly demotivated. 

But now I'm in my fourth week in Nairobi, I'm completely motivated again to write on a regular basis. Plus I can't really wait until February when I head home to start writing again. 

A lot of people felt sorry for me because I wasn't even in Juba for a week and things kicked off. Now I feel bad that I had to leave Juba earlier than intended and that I couldn't do the things I set out to do. However, I had an incredibly unique experience, was offered many wonderful opportunities and I met many new people. 

I'll be writing on my trip in Africa in a series of posts as they are all about different topics etc. Stay tuned! 

A Bad Case Of Traveler's Fear (Fear of the Unknown)

(Originally started 12th December 2013).

Days before I came to Juba, I was under a whole lot of fear.

I was having a bad case of 'fear of the unknown'. I did not know what to expect on my first trip to my own country. I did not know how I would be treated, if I would fit in, if I would feel comfortable with the languages, the local behaviour and customs etc.

The fear was there and it even came with a little bit of sadness. I was terrified out of my mind and expressed this to a few loved ones; some really tried to comfort me.
Other loved ones/friends gave me some tips and advice. For months I've been told by anyone who has been to Juba that,

1) it is a wonderful, great city, etc.2) keep an open mind if you go. Your experience will be different to the next person's.
I'm glad I have come here and actually made my own judgments and decisions so far; something that would have been fair for me to do any way.

My fear came out of a place of wanting to belong. For so long I have expressed much love for Africa, some kind of knowledge on the continent's rich history and the continuing neo-colonial presence. But there's a big difference between reading and educating on Africa and actually coming here to see everything for yourself; reality sets in and pretty much all your ideals of what can become of the continent takes a back seat.

My fear was elevated when I arrived. I stood out like a sore thumb (it could have been because I was wearing a hoodie in 40 degrees Celsius weather when I first arrived...).

The airport was just chaotic but luckily I was too tired to be expressively fearful.

From the airport to my cousin's house on the outskirts of the city, the fear came out little by little in the form of awkward laughs and consistent staring from the car windows.

I just couldn't believe I was here and I was seeing/experiencing the things I did.
On day one I even asked myself, 'why am I here?'.

I've always lead a very comfortable existence. Every place I've been have always been somewhat relatable to the UK or Netherlands. But this was so new for me. The air I was breathing, the languages I was hearing, the things I was seeing. Day One was overwhelming for someone like me to the point where I just went out with my cousin immediately because I was too shocked to sleep and recover from my long-haul flight.

I had to get used to the constant stares. I felt like people were peering into my soul from the moment they began to set eyes on me.

My cousin funnily told me that, 'if a guy likes you, he just stares'. And her dad told her that.
Funnily enough I just think people stare because people appear to be pretty brazen about things. Which is ok and quite funny.

It's now Day Four and I'm still a little fearful of walking down the streets of Juba because of the stares. The 'fear' I had was not the same kind of fear I had before I came home, it was rather mild and more superficial.

I've been told that I will grow accustomed to the stares so the fear of stepping outside on my own or even with someone else will slightly go away. Looking like fresh meat is not the way to go if you want to blend in amongst your people.

It is Day Ten and I have to say I have grown accustomed to my concerns. My fear of not being able to fit in has pretty much dissipated. I have familiarised myself with the unknown. Most importantly, I have decided/concluded that,

1) fitting in should never be the sole aim of any one person in any area of life,2) I pride myself on being unique and that is what I need to carry with me wherever I go,3) people in Juba aren't that different from myself!

To conclude, feel fear, analyse it, try and rationalise it. But don't let it consume you or stop you having a good time.