Saturday, 14 December 2013

The Woes of International Travel: Egyptair 'Food'.

My experience from London Heathrow to Cairo has been a mildly adventurous one, with intermittent laugh-inducing events.

Egypt Air's plane interior and logo etc are incredibly modest and basic; they are definitely no Emirates. If anything they're like a stale version Emirates; stale, covered with emerging mold. The only thing they have in common with Emirates is the Arabic, other than that...

On the first flight we were served with a square cake, basic salad which consisted mostly of the inner parts of lettuce resembling the colour of a cabbage. They tried with half sliced black olives, which were white from within, which concerned me.

The hot meal was rice, chicken in a sort of broth/sauce and tinned peas and carrots on the side.

Upon first bite I feared the worst. The chicken looked unappetising, the vegetables were clearly microwaved and the rice was the only winner here.

Bite by bite I felt my cholesterol raising, hence my blood pressure, something I didn't need. The food was that salty.

I managed to muster up the strength to finish this 'meal' and proceeded to just drink juice. I didn't touch the bread and complimentary butter or the cake. All I could envision was the same stale flavour and texture I had encountered earlier.  I didn't want to put myself off my favourite; cake.

On flight two to Juba, the attendant asked; chicken or beef. I was overcome with slight terror as flashbacks from last night's dinner took over all my other previous thoughts. I thought 'not fucking again'.

The salad which had a red pepper slice which was satisfactory. I left the purple olive out. The 'hot meal' consisted of what I had last night except the broth or sauce was a little different.

With each bite I envisioned myself going to the toilet more than I am used to. I even envisioned myself probably throwing my head over the toilet as my body spasms to get out the foreign object that was this dinner out of my body.

I fought when I ate. I fought hard. I felt forced because people around me chowed down and I didn't want to feel like I was being disrespectful. However, at some point I glanced at the food of the gentleman on my left and he sort of stopped eating which was my cue to save the rest of my taste buds and digestive system.

I did not continue eating. I just drank orange juice in a desperate attempt to cleanse my taste buds after this 'dinner'.

Afterwards I felt slightly relieved but still horrified that this 'food' is being served. I've flown before and the food then was what I thought abysmal but this meal by Egyptair has ripped off the title from the original owner.

It is fair to say that Egyptair's plane interior design and cabin crew, is truly a reflection of the food they serve. However, nothing beats flying about five hours from London to Cairo and about four from Cairo to Juba. I suppose the fact that this trip is shorter than other available options, will make me keep coming to Egyptair. I'm pretty sure with time, my body will adapt to their cuisine.