Monday, 28 March 2016

Women are NOT Bob the Builders

I am so over this glorification of women FIXING men!!! Isn't that his mother's job? Why couldn't he raise his emotional intelligence while growing up? Why couldn't he get that job and/or degree while he was with his parents? What is his excuse for not becoming a man before making someone his woman?

In all honesty if you are emotionally unintelligent, broke and immature, having a girlfriend should be incredibly low on your list of priorities.

A woman deserves far more than taking over her boyfriend's mother's job of raising him.

This focus on or task of fixing men has women hustling backwards, giving them far less than what they deserve.
This woman here is so focused on building her man that her right arm is on her left arm! 
I've seen it far too often; women who go out of their way and perform wifely duties for the man, doing things from giving her savings to him to teaching him manners and how to dress, only for him to keep it moving and marry the next woman. 

The only person(s) a woman should be raising are her kids. I'm not saying that a woman should never help her significant other or never work with him. There's a difference between building someone up and building with someone. Building with someone is getting that first house together, raising a family, going into business together, supporting one another and their goals, and improving and bettering one another.

In some cases, yes the man will probably return to pursuing higher education, make a career change, start a business etc. And that is even expected. In such cases your level of support should be dictated by what type of relationship you have. If it's a marriage, of course you can go all out on the support. But if this is your man of three weeks, three months etc. girl, wish him luck and be his cheerleader but continue to focus on your goals. Do not make sacrifices that impede your own progression. 

This Bob the Builder role that some women seem to take pride in has women hustling backwards and you're wondering why I say that... I say it because often enough a woman has done so much and gone so far, even started a family with him yet, there's no commitment on paper or in the form of a ring. None of that. Let me not forget to mention the sacrifices the woman has made without that level of commitment.

So unless you enjoy being Bob the Builder and realise what the job description entails, do not build men. Do not even get drawn to men who want to be build or take pride in being build. A relationship is about bringing peace to one another and supporting one another (not at the expense of one another). It's a place where there's equality, not babysitting. So please ladies, if you know you can do better, do not settle for less. 

Say My Name, The Right Way Please!

If your name is as 'diverse' as mine, i.e. can be pronounced and spelled in one or more ways, then you can definitely relate to what I'm going to say next (unless you boycott Starbucks).

My name is Dutch derived (don't quote me on this) and usually pronounced like 'Sita' but it's written as 'Sieta'. Most people get it right (in the Netherlands).

In the UK when I moved here (and even now until this day), I've gone into this habit of saying it's 'Sieta' when people call me 'Seeyeta' (that's the only real way I can write it so that you understand how they mispronounce it phonetically). So imagine that when people do pronounce my name correctly, I let them know they pronounced it correctly because it's a rare occurrence.

This continued mispronunciation and even misspelling of my name became too much at school and even during my undergrad, so I just allowed people to call me whatever they wanted to call me. To some people I made it quite clear that it's Sieta but some still chose to go with 'Seeyeta' (memory of a gold fish or something?).

The people at Starbucks aren't any better either. They struggle with my name the most. This is the dialogue that usually ensues when I ask them for a caramel macchiato or just a cappuccino;
Starbucks barista: what's your name?
Me: Sieta.
Starbucks barista: *in doubt on how to spell my name on the cup, looks confused as hell*
Me: *waiting awkwardly as it's taking the barista ages to start write my name on the cup*.
Starbucks barista: - two minutes later - Ok thanks, drink will be at the end.
Me: *annoyed as hell and clocks that it is misspelled*.
Sometimes I let it go but other times I get so annoyed when the Starbucks baristas are in doubt on how to spell my name. Their hesitation and the number of question marks they get on their face just infuriates me. I want my coffee and I want it now.

I know people who have quite complex names and use really standard and common names to put on their cups. I guess it works for them but I can't keep going to the same Starbucks and forget that one name and use another one. They'd wonder if I have an identity crisis or a split personality.

Anyway, since then I have changed the spelling of my name to 'Sita' for Starbucks purposes. It causes no issues, but that is not how my name is spelled. And no, I am not the Indian goddess Sita.

Thursday, 24 March 2016

#TBT: My Presenting Experience At South Sudan Oyee Live.

July 13th 2013 was the day!

I presented the first South Sudan Oyee Live concert which was held in celebration of South Sudan's second independence. The event had some great sponsors including African money transfer company Dahabshiil and supported The JUBALINK charity and showcased charities such as Gua Africa.

That day was a wonderful and amazing day and I can truly say my life has changed ever since. As a kid, even the thought of standing in class in front of an audience was terrifying... but this was one of my first experiences in public. *Proud of myself*.

I was terrified, terrified. I was incredibly terrified when I got on stage, but as time went on, award-winning journalist Inigo Gilmore made things so much easier for me and my other cohost Moria Tibi.

Great cakes.
I still have that dress. It was custom made. Forever grateful.

This is a quick #TBT (Throw Back Thursday) post... my intention is to post something comprehensive on how to build your confidence for public speaking purposes etc...

Saturday, 19 March 2016

Procrastination is real.

So we are now three months into 2016 and I didn't make any update, summary or plans for 2016 on my blog.

I just don't know.

I used to kind of blog about my life, and then I blogged about thoughts and musings, and then I ended up writing a little bit about South Sudan. I'm not sure what direction this blog is heading into. And I'm not sure why I am mixing politics with my personal life.

I have to be really honest though. My blog began to take a different direction since I went to Africa - different direction as in, I stopped sharing so much about my personal life. I stopped writing about my thoughts. The reason why is because in the past few years I really began to value my privacy.

Since becoming more and more involved with my community, I've become sort of 'known.' It isn't bragging, just a highlight of facts. South Sudan is a small country. South Sudanese community worldwide all know one another thanks to social media and relentless gossip. I guess that's why I have just taken a backseat and not blogged on things I wanted to blog when I was first starting - travels, personal life etc.

I will still blog. And maybe less of the politics. I just posted them all here because I didn't really bother choosing a platform to write them on. I haven't published in my alternative blog in years ( I also don't know if I should revive that and write all the politics there and just keep this blog for thoughts, musings and some acceptable personal life things.

Anyway. I am occupied. Too occupied. But it's enjoyable. I'm excited for 2016 and beyond. I am now 24. Not so much a kid anymore, and not that much of an adult (I'm a young adult I suppose). Things have changed drastically between this time last year and now. But I am grateful for all those changes. Life is positive. I have the right people around me. I am motivated and pushed. I've always worked hard at everything I do and this time it's no different.

I have my moments, but I am certainly blessed.