Saturday, 15 March 2014

For The Girl Who Gave Her Heart But Was Given It Back Broken.

This post summarised.

You have given it your all; your time, your attention, your loyalty, your devotion, your energy... your love, sweet, sweet love.

The love you had was...

  • The kind of love that overlooked his flaws (flaws which could easily constitute as a turn-off when exhibited by others) 
  • The kind of love that enabled you to forgive him for carrying out every little thing written on your 'no way' list
  • The kind of love that had made you feel like you were in the honeymoon period in your very first month of being his
  • The very same love that made you think of him when you got up and went through your day, he was a thought at night and the final thought in your dreams...
... that kind of 'love'.

Whatever was felt, infatuation or love, in that short period of time, you were smitten. So, so, smitten.

Summer ends... and when it ends, all dies. The ending is crushing. The way it ended and the aftermath felt like salt added to the wound; it made it sting, worsening the pain, prolonging the pain and perhaps the healing process.

For the girl who gave her heart but was given it broken in return, it was a lesson.

As cliché as it sounds, a broken heart and an ended relationship are lessons.

It teaches you:
  • To regroup and refocus on self; build yourself, strengthen yourself, love yourself more than you could love anyone else, so that you are ready to be loved and love again, in a healthy, free and independent way
  • What is good for you and what is bad for you
  • What you like and don't like (often you think you know what you want until you actually try it)
  • To actually go with your gut instinct more and/or develop and trust it
  • How to deal with intense emotions such as anger and sadness, you learn how to deal with it all (you may even find that some coping mechanisms may be too destructive, leading you to choose a better coping mechanism which you can also apply to other situations)
  • What boundaries to set and perhaps when to set them
  • That relationships aren't all romantic, full of chocolate and roses but rather a mix of ups and downs (for the downs to change into ups a dedicated couple is needed)
You've given your heart, only for him to give it back broken and often, he didn't give you his to begin with.
The pain cannot be sugarcoated with any kind of sugar. But like most things that hurt or damage, it will cause some kind of wound that needs to heal. You need to heal first and foremost. 
When it's truly over, disconnect yourself from the situation and the person in question; then become selfish. Becoming selfish at this point is difficult because your thoughts are still occupied with someone who is not for you and who is not with you. You will miss him, the support, the love and the good times. 
When it can still be saved, decide if it is worth saving. Decide if the offence caused is worthy of more of your time and energy, decide if it is worthy of your happiness, decide if it is worthy of your future possibilities. 
If you've accepted or found the strength to decide that it's over, focus on healing. Focus on your emotions. Not his, not what he is thinking or feeling... not what will happen to him after the fact. He is not your responsibility anymore.
Letting go

You decide to hold on or let go after weighing up the possible results of holding on and letting go. Letting go there and then may hurt at the very beginning but in the long-run it may actually be better than holding onto something that is sinking and making you suffer all along the way. It's natural to feel unprepared to let go, but sooner is often better than later.

It hurts.
It's hurting. The tears will fall, or may not fall or may fall but not as often as it doesn't and that is ok. Your outlet, no matter what it is, as long as it is healthy, should be respected and accepted; let it out. All of it. To pretend you're not hurting is just burying the pain and anger deeper and deeper inside of you, only for it to haunt you later.
The end result of the healing process is to come to a point of acceptance that all that has happened, has happened and you are ready to move on from it. 

It is easy to feel vengeful and hoping that karma will knock on his door faster than it may do, but let it be. With forgiveness, a thank you for the experience and memories, you are gracefully bowing out to become a woman more focused and aware, a woman who will set her sights higher and follow her heart; you are preparing to be a wise woman who will find a wonderful man.