Women are NOT Bob the Builders

I am so over this glorification of women FIXING men!!! Isn't that his mother's job? Why couldn't he raise his emotional intelligence while growing up? Why couldn't he get that job and/or degree while he was with his parents? What is his excuse for not becoming a man before making someone his woman?

In all honesty if you are emotionally unintelligent, broke and immature, having a girlfriend should be incredibly low on your list of priorities.

A woman deserves far more than taking over her boyfriend's mother's job of raising him.

This focus on or task of fixing men has women hustling backwards, giving them far less than what they deserve.

This woman here is so focused on building her man that her right arm is on her left arm! 

I've seen it far too often; women who go out of their way and perform wifely duties for the man, doing things from giving her savings to him to teaching him manners and how to dress, only for him to keep it moving and marry the next woman. 

The only person(s) a woman should be raising are her kids. I'm not saying that a woman should never help her significant other or never work with him. There's a difference between building someone up and building with someone. Building with someone is getting that first house together, raising a family, going into business together, supporting one another and their goals, and improving and bettering one another.

In some cases, yes the man will probably return to pursuing higher education, make a career change, start a business etc. And that is even expected. In such cases your level of support should be dictated by what type of relationship you have. If it's a marriage, of course you can go all out on the support. But if this is your man of three weeks, three months etc. girl, wish him luck and be his cheerleader but continue to focus on your goals. Do not make sacrifices that impede your own progression. 

This Bob the Builder role that some women seem to take pride in has women hustling backwards and you're wondering why I say that... I say it because often enough a woman has done so much and gone so far, even started a family with him yet, there's no commitment on paper or in the form of a ring. None of that. Let me not forget to mention the sacrifices the woman has made without that level of commitment.

So unless you enjoy being Bob the Builder and realise what the job description entails, do not build men. Do not even get drawn to men who want to be build or take pride in being build. A relationship is about bringing peace to one another and supporting one another (not at the expense of one another). It's a place where there's equality, not babysitting. So please ladies, if you know you can do better, do not settle for less. 

Sexualisation Is Not Love.

  

Sexualisation does not correlate with love. 

I've found a number of social networking accounts sexualising black women. On Twitter, I find tweets discussing how full our lips are, how big our bums are and how beautiful our skin glistens in the sun. I can't disagree with that. Women are beautiful beings but there is so much more to us than just that.

I've noticed that a lot of women are in support of guys who sexualise women (or black women in this case). I suppose it's because they view the comments as compliments and compliments are nice. 

I frown upon the way women support guys who sexualise them because I want people to not just see that I am sexy, beautiful, attractive etc. I want people to see that I am intelligent, outspoken and caring too: aspects of my personality need to be appreciated as well. 

I'm completely against the sexualisation of women (even though it's an integral part of society since we live in a patriarchal world). But why am I so against it? Well: 

• Your physical appearance is temporary. Hit a certain age, have kids or pick up bad habits and everything will go south. 
• Your physical appearance is subjective. One guy may think you're the best thing since sliced bread, the other guy may think you resemble Cruella de Vil. 
• Many guys will pay you compliments just to get you into bed and will kick you out when they're done entering you. 
• There is so much more to women than physical appearance. We are educators, presidents, scientists, CEO's. We are thinkers, revolutionaries, leaders and warriors. There is more to us than just looks. 

Don't get me wrong, I do like compliments. 

I'd be lying if I said I'm never flattered when a guy compliments me or women who look like me. Compliments are nice. Approval is nice. Basically, it's always nice to get compliments, but my confidence and self-esteem do not depend on them. I don't need compliments to continue loving myself.

Black women have been sexualised for centuries and even to this day, black women are heavily sexualised in the entertainment industry (particularly in music videos). Sex sells. But continuous sexualisation of us, makes people think and believe that we are good for one thing only; sex. It is not a good thing. My aspirations and sights are set higher than that.

Sexualisation is not love. 

Sexualisation is lust and not love. Love and lust are two completely different things. Sexualisation focuses on the physical appearance of the person concerned. It focuses on how they look, not on how they think.

We live at a time when women have more rights and more freedom than ever before. Sexualising us and deeming us as just good enough to look at and masturbate over, ignores our capabilities in many different areas of life. You can sexualise me and appreciate my body, but you will never think that I'm good enough to make something of myself. 

Your love means nothing if the only thing you love is her body.

He may love her hips and her lips but if he doesn't love how she thinks, how she acts... who she is... that's not love. 

You can love our bodies, but don't forget to love our minds too. Preach about how we look, but also preach about our minds too. Women need to be appreciated and loved for more.