Bully Victims Need Plastic Surgery

A few weeks ago I read about a 14-year-old girl who got bullied for having big ears and got $40K worth of plastic surgery for it for free.

These are her before and after images:

Before and After

Nadia got her ears, nose and chin done. She did this in response to the relentless bullying she endured since age 7.

*Big freaking SIGH*.

It pains me that poor Nadia had to endure relentless bullying because of the way she looked.

But... I would never advice the plastic surgery route for those who get relentlessly bullied. But... if you are happy with what you can end up with, by all means do it. And if you really think you need it anyway (aside from the bullying influencing your decision to get plastic surgery) then do it!

But no one should expect someone to get plastic surgery to stop the bullying because bullies will always bully no matter what.

I have been bullied for many years at school and I have detailed my experience here.

I was bullied from secondary school up until sixthform about my forehead. The difference between my forehead and Nadia's previously big ears is that I can't get plastic surgery for my forehead. I can't reduce its size. I can't pull my hairline forward, it would look so weird so I would never even want to entertain that thought. The only thing I can do is cover up my forehead with a beanie or a fringe or... embrace it for what it is. The latter is more terrifying and is a work in progress.

I view myself as a victim of bullying. I don't blame myself for being bullied. I also don't feel that I should have changed myself in order to stop being bullied. Why should I change the way I was made in order to please others? They're still going to find something to bully me about.

Sadly though, victim blaming happens a lot and some people are so blatant about it. There's another story where a school suggested a 13-year-old get breast reduction surgery to stop bullying. This story is a classic case of victim blaming.

I'm not even sure what I am more angry about, the school's passive approach to a serious problem which can be detrimental to this girl's wellbeing or the school letting the student know that she needs to change in order for the bullying to stop.

Think about it: how is someone who had no/zero/zilch/nada part in deciding how they were going to look like, at fault for getting bullied? How does that work?

Who is the root of all evil on the playground? The bullies are. They are the low self-esteem people who feel the need to drag others down so they can pull themselves up. They are the ones that are responsible for this. They should be blamed. They should be stopped.

People who are getting bullied should never, ever, ever, ever be blamed for being bullied.

Victim blaming is just a copout for schools so that they don't have to take the responsibility of targeting bullying.

If schools did a better job of dealing with bullies and parents did too, then a lot of the bullying would actually stop and many children wouldn't end up with self-esteem/confidence issues or dead because of suicide.

We don't control the way we look, but bullies can control their bullying behaviour.

Bullied: I Was Called E.T.

Disclaimer: This post contains a lot of profanity that is uncensored (I'm angry, that's why). Further, if you're a hater of foreheads, please exit this post immediately. If you stick around anyway and find this post uncomfortable because it forces you to question whether your distaste for big foreheads is pathetic, then I have accomplished my mission. I want everyone to know that if you see me with a big forehead that you should shut the fuck up because I have had enough of hearing about it. Thank you. 

Step aside Tyra Banks and Rihanna; I have a bigger forehead than both y'all.

My forehead has bothered many people to the point where I got ridiculed relentlessly for it. Primary school was in the Netherlands and honestly the best time of my life. I was never bullied. I was made fun of at one point and then I attacked the guy but that was different. I was never made fun of when it came to my forehead and being the only black girl in class (and one of the only few in school).

A childhood friend of mine (living in my childhood neighbourhood) did point out my forehead on multiple occasions. During one instance, we both got upset, got into an altercation and she proceeded to make fun of my forehead. I was shocked, confused and hurt... I did not know what the hell was going on. No one had ever pointed out to me that my forehead was large as a kid. To me it was normal. I didn't even know that my forehead mattered because it definitely didn't matter to other people.

Fast forward, secondary school in the Netherlands and United Kingdom, I got bullied about it. I was bullied by people who looked like me; people of African descent and mainly girls. I was bullied relentlessly. On some occasions I got attacked and I had to fight back and the other girl was suspended. She had so much hate for me, all because of my forehead.

I had food and drinks thrown at me. I was ganged up on. I even remember in one of my classes, a classmate said; ''hey your forehead isn't that big, it's just that your hairline starts far back''. It was as if he had a fucking epiphany. I didn't say anything... of course. I mean how do you respond to such unnecessary bullshit?

The same girl who physically attacked me in secondary school, always called me E.T.

Yes you read it, E fucking T. E.T. E.T. dammit. E.T.!!!

FUCKING E.T.. I WAS CALLED E.T. *laughs hysterically*

I wish they called me fucking Tyra Banks or Rihanna. At least the things I have in common with them is that we all have a big forehead, we're all black and we're all women. I have nothing in common with E.T. Wait let me think... nope. I have nothing in common with E.T. I tried to see the link and I tried so hard but I see absolutely nothing. I know deep down though, that she wanted to be a smart ass and call me E.T. because I looked like an alien to her. If you saw her today you'd probably call her a hypocrite for that...

Fast forward to sixth form (where I endured the very last of my bullying), I got bullied again about my forehead. Guys laughed at me. Guys looked at me and talked behind my back. I felt uncomfortable. I would purposely avoid certain places of the school to avoid them. I felt like I was watched all the time. The guys would hang out with people I interacted with. They'd flirt with them, hang out with them etc. while making fun of me. Those guys were of African descent.

I went to a boys grammar school sixth form so it was majority boys. Girl and boys were allowed into the sixth form.

At this school, I remember a particular incident where I was in the library. I had my hair done (in braids and then the rest left out, it was fucking ugly but it wasn't me who did it so...). One guy made a comment about my hair (a guy who's always been bullying me about my forehead and he was in Year 13, likely 18 years old) and I called him out on the spot. He was embarrassed. I know he was and everyone was just looking. I left the library and went about my way. The guy apologised later and never bothered me again.

My school life was a disaster. Despite this, I still managed to do very well in school. I did have many friends and I was very likeable. In some cases people stood up for me, in other cases they didn't and I don't blame them. To be up against nine girls or a group of guys isn't something someone wants to endure.

The teachers were helpful and did as much as they could to curb the bullying. I'm very grateful for their support.

I want to let people know that making fun of the way someone looks makes you very pathetic. Before we were born, we didn't have the option to choose how we can look like. The way we look is something beyond our control. This is why I detest people bullying or putting others down because of the way they look.

I can't do anything about my forehead except wear a fringe to cover it. I don't want to though and I shouldn't have to do that to prevent looks, comments etc. This is what I was born with. It displays my heritage and where I am from. It is a part of me that will always remain with me. Unlike lips and noses which can be adjusted using surgery, I can't adjust my forehead. I can bring my hairline forward but it's unnecessary pain and money spend.

I am in the process of accepting my forehead for what it is. I am not 100% comfortable with it, but I am slowly, but surely, getting there. If you have a problem with my forehead, take a fucking number and get in line. The fact that you're so consumed with someone else's looks just shows how pathetic you are.

Here are some forehead pics of some beautiful people. If it bothers you so much, click the fuck away;

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And here is a forehead pic of me:

Pic taken in Vondelpark Amsterdam last Summer.

This post was emotional and quite uncomfortable for me because it brought back many painful memories. I almost shed a few tears too. People can be so cruel and destroy a confident and happy person and turn them into nothing. All those years of pain takes a long time to get over. My last bullying experience was when I was 18 which was only 2 years ago. I'm learning to love who I am and what I have. 

I have written this post in honour of the children who get bullied for the way they look, for their sexuality, for their personality... for all of those reasons. This post is for you. Please love yourself. Please. Tell someone if you're getting bullied. There are people willing to help. You don't have to end a temporary situation using a permanent 'solution'. There is no need, you too can overcome it. 

And to the bullies, get some fucking therapy. It's unhealthy to be obsessing over someone else's looks/sexuality/personality.