Monday, 10 September 2012

Bullied: I Was Called E.T.

Disclaimer: This post contains a lot of profanity that is uncensored (I'm angry, that's why). Further, if you're a hater of foreheads, please exit this post immediately. If you stick around anyway and find this post uncomfortable because it forces you to question whether your distaste for big foreheads is pathetic, then I have accomplished my mission. I want everyone to know that if you see me with a big forehead that you should shut the fuck up because I have had enough of hearing about it. Thank you. 

Step aside Tyra Banks and Rihanna; I have a bigger forehead than both y'all.

My forehead has bothered many people to the point where I got ridiculed relentlessly for it. Primary school was in the Netherlands and honestly the best time of my life. I was never bullied. I was made fun of at one point and then I attacked the guy but that was different. I was never made fun of when it came to my forehead and being the only black girl in class (and one of the only few in school).

A childhood friend of mine (living in my childhood neighbourhood) did point out my forehead on multiple occasions. During one instance, we both got upset, got into an altercation and she proceeded to make fun of my forehead. I was shocked, confused and hurt... I did not know what the hell was going on. No one had ever pointed out to me that my forehead was large as a kid. To me it was normal. I didn't even know that my forehead mattered because it definitely didn't matter to other people.

Fast forward, secondary school in the Netherlands and United Kingdom, I got bullied about it. I was bullied by people who looked like me; people of African descent and mainly girls. I was bullied relentlessly. On some occasions I got attacked and I had to fight back and the other girl was suspended. She had so much hate for me, all because of my forehead.

I had food and drinks thrown at me. I was ganged up on. I even remember in one of my classes, a classmate said; ''hey your forehead isn't that big, it's just that your hairline starts far back''. It was as if he had a fucking epiphany. I didn't say anything... of course. I mean how do you respond to such unnecessary bullshit?

The same girl who physically attacked me in secondary school, always called me E.T.




Yes you read it, E fucking T. E.T. E.T. dammit. E.T.!!!

FUCKING E.T.. I WAS CALLED E.T. *laughs hysterically*
I wish they called me fucking Tyra Banks or Rihanna. At least the things I have in common with them is that we all have a big forehead, we're all black and we're all women. I have nothing in common with E.T. Wait let me think... nope. I have nothing in common with E.T. I tried to see the link and I tried so hard but I see absolutely nothing. I know deep down though, that she wanted to be a smart ass and call me E.T. because I looked like an alien to her. If you saw her today you'd probably call her a hypocrite for that...

Fast forward to sixth form (where I endured the very last of my bullying), I got bullied again about my forehead. Guys laughed at me. Guys looked at me and talked behind my back. I felt uncomfortable. I would purposely avoid certain places of the school to avoid them. I felt like I was watched all the time. The guys would hang out with people I interacted with. They'd flirt with them, hang out with them etc. while making fun of me. Those guys were of African descent.

I went to a boys grammar school sixth form so it was majority boys. Girl and boys were allowed into the sixth form.

At this school, I remember a particular incident where I was in the library. I had my hair done (in braids and then the rest left out, it was fucking ugly but it wasn't me who did it so...). One guy made a comment about my hair (a guy who's always been bullying me about my forehead and he was in Year 13, likely 18 years old) and I called him out on the spot. He was embarrassed. I know he was and everyone was just looking. I left the library and went about my way. The guy apologised later and never bothered me again.

My school life was a disaster. Despite this, I still managed to do very well in school. I did have many friends and I was very likeable. In some cases people stood up for me, in other cases they didn't and I don't blame them. To be up against nine girls or a group of guys isn't something someone wants to endure.

The teachers were helpful and did as much as they could to curb the bullying. I'm very grateful for their support.

I want to let people know that making fun of the way someone looks makes you very pathetic. Before we were born, we didn't have the option to choose how we can look like. The way we look is something beyond our control. This is why I detest people bullying or putting others down because of the way they look.

I can't do anything about my forehead except wear a fringe to cover it. I don't want to though and I shouldn't have to do that to prevent looks, comments etc. This is what I was born with. It displays my heritage and where I am from. It is a part of me that will always remain with me. Unlike lips and noses which can be adjusted using surgery, I can't adjust my forehead. I can bring my hairline forward but it's unnecessary pain and money spend.

I am in the process of accepting my forehead for what it is. I am not 100% comfortable with it, but I am slowly, but surely, getting there. If you have a problem with my forehead, take a fucking number and get in line. The fact that you're so consumed with someone else's looks just shows how pathetic you are.

Here are some forehead pics of some beautiful people. If it bothers you so much, click the fuck away;

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And here is a forehead pic of me:

Pic taken in Vondelpark Amsterdam last Summer.

This post was emotional and quite uncomfortable for me because it brought back many painful memories. I almost shed a few tears too. People can be so cruel and destroy a confident and happy person and turn them into nothing. All those years of pain takes a long time to get over. My last bullying experience was when I was 18 which was only 2 years ago. I'm learning to love who I am and what I have. 

I have written this post in honour of the children who get bullied for the way they look, for their sexuality, for their personality... for all of those reasons. This post is for you. Please love yourself. Please. Tell someone if you're getting bullied. There are people willing to help. You don't have to end a temporary situation using a permanent 'solution'. There is no need, you too can overcome it. 

And to the bullies, get some fucking therapy. It's unhealthy to be obsessing over someone else's looks/sexuality/personality. 

9 comments:

  1. I read everything. Top to bottom. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I remember being teased for being very quiet and being a daydreamer in secondary school and sixth form, but I guess its rude for me to compare.

    Can I just say I looked at your picture and gasped? You are beautiful. Stunning. I really love your skin. Secondary school can be ruthless. Trust me, I've been around schools all over East London!

    You are a beautiful and brave soul to open old wounds and share your story, because words DO hurt

    *hugs* xx

    Mide/Victoria :)

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  2. you look beautiful. i thin people that bully are very insecure and not happy about themselves so they take it on others.

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  3. @ Mide Lawal - Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experiences. I don't think it's rude for you to compare at all because many people get bullied for those reasons! I think I was bullied for the fact that I kept to myself as well and that made me appear weak and therefore an easier target.

    Thank you for the compliments, you're being so sweet =) *shyness*. x

    @ Kulchicbeauty - Thank you so much for your comments. Yeah it's true, many bullies appear to have insecurity issues and want to take it out on others. It's a shame.

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  4. Thanks for sharing your story. I've been bullied on and off for keeping to myself/coming off as stuck-up. This happened mostly in 12th grade (I was new to the school) and at one company I used to work for as an adult.

    I've noticed recently that when I'm out and about, if I'm near a large pack of teenagers, some teenage girl usually has to make some "She's not that pretty" remark or "Who? Her? She's ugly." I don't get why females always have to size up one another. I can care less how some 15-year-old rates me, I just want to go on about my day. (-_-)

    I'm getting a little off topic here. Great post, as usual. Beautiful girl, inside and out.

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  5. Thank you for this post. I know exactly how you feel. Having been bullied back when I was in high school by other black girls, it has unfortunately had a severe negative effect on my life. I wrote about it on my blog as well http://www.allthatmsjazz.com/2009/05/anti-bullying.html

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  6. @ Dee G - Thank you for sharing your experience with bullying. I cannot believe that adults still choose to carry out this immature behaviour.

    And yeah I know about the comments. Because I look younger than I really am, a lot of people think they can just say whatever and assume whatever about me. It's one of those things I just shrug off and move on with. I really do not get why women have to be so hateful and negative towards one another, and they don't even know you!

    Thank you for your kind words Dee, I appreciate it.

    @ msjazz79 - Hi thanks for commenting and reading. I'm sorry to read that you have experienced the same thing. I would like to read your bullying experience. Thanks again for commenting.

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  7. My forehead's huge, I feel your pain. I was dating a guy once and one of his friends said to him I look like a cancer patient. My boyfriend laughed, so I dumped him and i've never talked to him ever again. I find it disgusting and insulting to both me and people who are going through cancer.

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  8. You are very beautiful, you don't have to hide your forehead at all. Your forehead makes your face look very feminine and doll-like. The people who tease you only feel insecure about themselves and need to put others down.
    I'm white, but I have a big forehead myself. I was teased, too, and know how it hurts. You just feel like a circus freak, when in fact nothing is wrong with you.
    Stay strong
    x

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  9. I really love your story. And guess what? You're not alone. In fact, your situation is the same one I'm having. In fact, still to this day, I'm getting bullied for my large forehead. I mean If you see a picture of me, from the side, Im E.T (definately) and almost every year, I get bullied. In my neighborhood, school, etc. anywhere people know me. The boys make fun of me too and call me ugly as well. And I found out that every time someone says that to me, my self confidence gets lower and lower and lower. So now, I dont even tell myself that I'm pretty. When they tell me about my overly large forehead, I fell VERY insecure and I'm not even a bully! And every time someone like my mom or a family member tells me a compliment, I dont accept it at all (but I still say thanks :)) because for some reason, I let the negativity sink and the positive just float above the surface. You, my darling, are extraordinary and very beautiful just the way you are!!!!!!!!! Dont EVER bring yourself down just because. Your childhood bullies are none other than jealous people wishing to be like you in every way they can. You're very beautiful!!!!!!!!!! *HUGS AND KISSES*

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