Disclaimer: This may be too personal but it's something I'm not ashamed of.
Let's call this person Mr. A.
Mr. A. was a nice guy. Really nice. I was... sorta... kinda... into him. Not head over heels, more like in awe and infatuated or something like that. I doubt you can fall in love when you see someone for the first time (it isn't even love, it's infatuation or lust... or both).
You just know it isn't love if you answer no to the following:
- Would you die for him?
- Would you drop everything in your life to be with him?
Did you say no to the first bullet point or the second or both?
Then you're not in love.
If you said yes then congratulations!
So Mr. A. was nice, I couldn't stop thinking about him... it's cringe-worthy when I think about that right now.
I have to add though (this was in the past) that if a guy was nice to me, I tended to feel a certain way about that (that was my insecurities coming through).
Niceness is normal (I didn't know this at the time). Niceness is something that people may express and it doesn't have to be genuine - it could just be out of respect, or lack of patience for drama or even because you're being paid.
For example, you have people working in restaurants and bars, they will be nice. If they're not nice; call the manager or don't tip. These people are supposed to be nice. That's their job. You also have people in clothing stores; they are nice too and will say that the purple top that you're wearing with the leopard print shoes looks great (but it really doesn't). So they are nice, not because they want to be but because they are getting paid... it's their job.
And if they're overzealous and putting the dress above on your back and swear up and down that it looks great, you know that he's getting paid commission on top of his salary.
But back to Mr. A who was charming... took me on the most wonderful dates, called me daily... we just had so much fun and I didn't want it to end.
Then one day.
Never heard from him again. I was frantic. How could someone so nice leave me? I felt special.
But yeah Mr. A. disappeared off the face of the earth and stopped talking to me. Just like that. I don't exist to A. I don't. Not anymore.
This was way back and I've learned so much from it. But if this unfortunately happens to you:
- Calm down. It's probably for the best.
- Read: He's Just Not That Into You and a number of other relationship type books. You will feel better and much more empowered.
- He was just a date or six. A phone call everyday for two months. The person who sent you flowers on a weekly basis. That is all he was and the good news is that you can do without those things.
- Always think you're the better person.
- Don't call him profusely looking for answers, he will not respond. Don't key his car or throw eggs at his window. Don't put fireworks through his mailbox - it's not that serious.
- Don't be too disheartened - you went on a few dates. You didn't start a long term relationship... with children... co-owned a car and a condo... found an engagement ring and knew he was going to ask you to marry him.
- Realise that you deserve better. A good guy won't leave you.
- Realise that he is the one missing out.
Now for the Mr. A.'s out there:
- If you don't like someone, tell them you're not interested and move on.
- If you only want to be friends, tell the person that you just want to be friends.
- Also, don't ignore them. It's excruciating and it's also very rude. It reflects badly on you and not on them. Respond and tell them that you're not interested.
- Lie that you're leaving the country. You are making him/her worried.
- Lie that you have a terminal illness and that you can't be with the person for that reason. It's nauseating. No further explanation of why you shouldn't do that needs to be given.
- Tell the person why you don't like them. You don't need to damage them psychologically after rejecting them and then pointing out that they are the problem.
- Get caught with another person the next day. That is so mean.
- Get in touch again and tell them you're interested. It seems that you only want one thing. If you genuinely like them then win over their heart by doing a Romeo and Juliet type of serenade.
- Bad mouth this person to anyone else (especially if they did absolutely nothing wrong!).