Monday, 1 October 2012

If You Belong On NoWayGirl.Com, Don't Give Me Your Salon Card

Last year, I was waiting at a bus stop in Camden for a bus to Victoria (both places are in London). While I was waiting, a woman approached me. She had a lace front wig which was tied back into a ponytail. Her edges looked like this:

Kelly I love you, but this style was a hot mess

This woman's edges were thick. She had no baby hairs at all and you could clearly see the glue! The hair looked old and synthetic as well (you could tell by the shine it was giving off). Her lace wig was so unsightly, I felt embarrassed for her. 

And as if the lace front application and quality wasn't bad enough, the hair was freaking blond. When will people start accepting that the colour blond isn't for everyone

The friends or family members of the woman concerned, clearly didn't love this woman enough to sit her down and tell her that her wig was a total tragedy. But I digress. 

It's one thing to be going out with a hair helmet and it's another if you approach me with a freaking salon card. Of course I shook my head and declined. If I needed my hair done, it wouldn't be anywhere near the salon of a poster child.

Some salon-card-givers are obviously very unabashed about what they do. Many seem to lack basic manners and even friendliness. 

I appreciate the fact that everyone needs to pay their bills but there are some things you shouldn't be doing if you actually want people to take you and your business seriously. 

Future and current salon-card-givers, take heed of what I, as the non-salon-card-acceptor, think about you all: 

Many of you are rude, rude and rude. 
  • The woman I described in this post, was particularly aggressive. I'm sure a bit of intimidation prompts someone to accept your card (even though they don't want to), but do you really think they'll visit your salon if you approach them so aggressively? I think not.
  • You're insinuating that I require your services because the hair on my head right now isn't good enough. Offering your salon card can be deemed as offensive.

Your own hair looks bad.  
  • Yes. It does. It wouldn't be wrong for me to assume that it probably looks bad 95% of the time.  I'm very unlikely to accept your card if your hair looks bad. 
  • Your hair should be regarded as an advertisement of your salon. If it looks bad, we will expect a bad salon experience. Good luck with getting anyone to visit after seeing your sumo wrestler hairstyle. 
  • If your tracks are so visible that even a train can use it, consider that you are probably more in need of your own salon services... no scratch that, you should probably close your salon. No one in their right mind would go to a salon where the hairdresser has messed up hair themselves. 
Salon-card-givers, if you want people to accept your card and visit your salon next time, make sure your hair is on point and give your salon card with compliments, please and thank yous. Don't forget to smile too!

P.S. If you're reading this and your hair resembles the hair of the woman in this post, please go back to the salon you came from and demand your money back. You've been scammed.

P.S.S This post is a true story and satirical, it isn't meant to be taken too seriously.