Monday, 27 August 2012

My Response To Amanda Chatel.

Freelance writer Amanda Chatel from HuffPo wrote something that warranted a response from yours truly; Married Women Don't Care For You When You're The Only Single Woman At The Wedding. What an interesting and long title, but it definitely draws you in.

Anyhow, I was wondering why such a post was on HuffPo but then I realised a lot of their writers seem to write journal/diary style posts to initiate debate and discussion, share their stories... or just to show how awesome they are and how judgmental people are towards them.

Amanda is free to write whatever she wants but if you're delusional enough to think that married women don't care for you because you're single; then you deserve a response.

Amanda Chatel 
When my friend Thal got married, I was the only single gal in attendance. This is by no means an exaggeration; it's the absolute truth.
All of the other attendees were already married or engaged. I, however, had just suffered a devastating break-up a couple months before and marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. It never crossed my mind that this would be a problem for anyone, until I took to the dance floor during the reception with a bunch of the married male guests.
No, Amanda. Your single-dom is actually not a problem for anyone. In fact, no one really cares whether you're single or not. What people do care about and what was a problem is the fact that you danced with a bunch of married male guests.

If you had been in a relationship and you were still dancing with a bunch of married male guests, then (surprise, surprise), the women would have (still) looked down on you for doing that.

It should be noted that no one was dancing with each other, but just dancing in a mass they way people tend to do at weddings. But every time someone playfully swung me out and back into them, I caught the eye-rolling and judgmental scowls of the wives of these men and realized I was not exactly making any friends by trying to enjoy myself. As I watched them leaning over the tables to whisper into each other's ears with their eyes firmly fixated on me, I understood that some "mean girls" never grow up, and to them, I was either a threat or a tramp - or maybe both. In fact I was neither. I was simply a woman who was doing her best to laugh during her best friend's wedding, instead of crying over the recent event that had ripped my world apart.

It's terrific that you consider that you weren't a threat (and a tramp). It doesn't mean, however, that they didn't see it that way. The women's eye-rolling and judgmental scowls probably weren't even towards you; maybe their husbands but you just noticed.

Let me also write that I would have been one heck of a mean girl if someone was dancing with my husband. It's not out of insecurity. It's because of the inconsideration, rudeness and arrogance of the other woman. The fact that a woman can't respect that the man is married and take the other woman's feelings into consideration, permits the mean girls attitude. Womanhood is about supporting one another.

There are other ways to enjoy yourself at weddings, i.e. include the women or socialise with the women. Not sure if making enemies was a good way for you to enjoy yourself. It wasn't a good idea.

I did my best to ignore them. I knew in my heart that I wasn't interested in any man at that wedding, even if any of them had been single. Since Chris (Thal's now-husband) works in finance, it's from that world where the majority of the male guests had come. I love Gordon Gekko, but on my television; not in my bed.

You ignored their wives' disapproval. You didn't even include them or made any effort to strike a conversation with them (this is what I've gathered). These women did not know you weren't interested in any of the men and didn't know that you love Gordon Gekko on television but not in bed. Your actions and attitude during that night doesn't correspond with your thoughts in the paragraph above. What you put out there is what you put out there; these women aren't psychics. 

As the reception went on, and the lot of the wives and fiancées became tired, they headed upstairs to their respective hotel rooms. I, however, stayed downstairs with the guys to do shots and sing along to really bad 90s music. I wasn't tired, I wanted to drink too much and if those women wanted to pass judgment yet again for this choice of mine, then that was their problem. They were just flattering themselves to think that I'd be interested in any of their husbands.

It's not their problem, it is your problem because you appear to be affected by their reputed judgment. And by the way, why would some women try and flatter themselves by thinking that you'd be interested in any of their husbands? Isn't that a bad thing for them and their marriage? 

Eventually the party moved to the hotel bar where we took over several tables and stayed until last call. There were about 15 of us remaining; I was one of the guys, and honestly, I don't think a single one of them saw me any differently than that.

No, they didn't. Probably, because they're married and really had no intentions other than having fun and enjoying themselves. I bet you were the only one assuming that they and their wives, saw you any differently than that. 

Shortly after we had our final drinks we decided we wanted to go find some food. We stood in the lobby weighing our options for late night snacks when one of the wives came downstairs to see where her husband was. Of course, just like the rest of us, he was wobbling in place with glassy eyes, but I was shot a look from her as if I were the one to blame. Yes, it was I who got him and everyone else drunk. It was my fault; I did it, and had she not come down when she did I was going to try to have my way with every single one of them despite my aversion to pleated pants and loafers without socks.

You were a single and the only female in a group of men who had alcohol in their system. If I was that woman, I'd have shot daggers at you and not just looks. 

After a quick reprimanding from this particular female guest, the last standing of the party hung their heads and followed each other, single file, into the elevator. I stood there -- sans buddies, sans food -- and went upstairs to watch bad TV.

I'm delighted that you finally realised what you were worth to them. 

I didn't make it to the goodbye brunch the next morning. I chose to stay in bed until my train left to come back to the city. Thal and Chris had already left for their honeymoon, and although I had fun the night before I knew, soberly, that it would be a lackluster situation in the light of day. I also knew that I didn't have it in me to dodge anymore stink-eyed looks from women I'd probably (hopefully) never see again.

It would have been humiliating to look them into the eye, knowing that what you did was disrespectful and quite embarrassing.

I know that it's almost impossible to go through life without being occasionally judged for who you are when you're the odd person out in a room. I don't fault those women for their gossip or glares; perhaps I would have done the same thing had I been in their shoes. But I can't say for sure; I'm just not on the marriage train yet. Frankly, I think it missed my stop. So my message to you, mean girls, is to keep your judgment to yourselves. You might find yourself in my position one day.

Like I stated earlier, it had nothing to do with you being single. Dance or hang out with a man that's taken is bound to make people very judgmental of you. People don't take very kindly to someone dancing with their life-long partner... and rightly so. 

I don't think you'll have to be 'on the marriage train' to understand how these women felt when you danced with their husbands. 

Mean girls? You were hanging out with their husbands. If that was me, I would have been a whole lot meaner. That alcohol you were drinking, that would have been in your hair, face and clothes. Consider yourself lucky that they didn't take that route. 

And... you might find yourself in their position one day. 

Thursday, 23 August 2012

First Attempt: Cake Batter Pancakes

One day I felt the urge to try and so I did it! Cake batter pancakes; a genius and alternative way to use cake batter without having to spend hours baking a cake. For this, I bought my own ingredients and I used a recipe from How Sweet It Is (awesome food blog).

I followed the recipe and instructions to a T (with the exception of some of the ingredients and the electric grilled skillet... I used a regular pan).

We used self-raising flower (couldn't find all purpose), regular sugar, powdered sugar, vanilla extract, baking powder, sprinkles and Betty Crocker Chocolate Swirl Cake Mix. I couldn't find the yellow cake mix so I settled for this (the chocolate and regular cake flour were separate so I just used the regular flour).

Flour, cake mix, baking powder, sugar and pinch of salt... all added!

Milk, eggs and vanilla extract; added...

Added the sprinkles!
I used a regular pan...

End result.

Making of the glaze.

The outcome!

This was sweetness and yumminess. Heck yeah, I'll make it again.

 I probably didn't get the same visual result as How Sweet It Is but I am happy with my first attempt. I think I did well considering I don't make pancakes... ever. But things are clearly about to change. 

It took me sometime to make these pancakes because I was making many for many people but everyone loved it. I didn't like how the sprinkles dissolved in the batter so I guess I'll need to get different sprinkles to avoid that in the future. This is a creative and simple recipe to make your regular (boring) pancakes more riveting and tasty. 

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

If you don't like someone... TELL THEM.

Disclaimer: This may be too personal but it's something I'm not ashamed of.
Let's call this person Mr. A. 

Mr. A. was a nice guy. Really nice. I was... sorta... kinda... into him. Not head over heels, more like in awe and infatuated or something like that. I doubt you can fall in love when you see someone for the first time (it isn't even love, it's infatuation or lust... or both). 

You just know it isn't love if you answer no to the following:
  • Would you die for him?
  • Would you drop everything in your life to be with him?
Did you say no to the first bullet point or the second or both? 
Then you're not in love.

If you said yes then congratulations! 
So Mr. A. was nice, I couldn't stop thinking about him... it's cringe-worthy when I think about that right now. 

I have to add though (this was in the past) that if a guy was nice to me, I tended to feel a certain way about that (that was my insecurities coming through).

Niceness is normal (I didn't know this at the time). Niceness is something that people may express and it doesn't have to be genuine - it could just be out of respect, or lack of patience for drama or even because you're being paid. 

For example, you have people working in restaurants and bars, they will be nice. If they're not nice; call the manager or don't tip. These people are supposed to be nice. That's their job. You also have people in clothing stores; they are nice too and will say that the purple top that you're wearing with the leopard print shoes looks great (but it really doesn't). So they are nice, not because they want to be but because they are getting paid... it's their job.

And if they're overzealous and putting the dress above on your back and swear up and down that it looks great, you know that he's getting paid commission on top of his salary. 

But back to Mr. A who was charming... took me on the most wonderful dates, called me daily... we just had so much fun and I didn't want it to end.

Then one day. 


Never heard from him again. I was frantic. How could someone so nice leave me? I felt special.

But yeah Mr. A. disappeared off the face of the earth and stopped talking to me. Just like that. I don't exist to A. I don't. Not anymore.

This was way back and I've learned so much from it. But if this unfortunately happens to you: 

  • Calm down. It's probably for the best.
  • Read: He's Just Not That Into You and a number of other relationship type books. You will feel better and much more empowered.
  • He was just a date or six. A phone call everyday for two months. The person who sent you flowers on a weekly basis. That is all he was and the good news is that you can do without those things.
  • Always think you're the better person. 
  • Don't call him profusely looking for answers, he will not respond. Don't key his car or throw eggs at his window. Don't put fireworks through his mailbox - it's not that serious.
  •  Don't be too disheartened - you went on a few dates. You didn't start a long term relationship... with children... co-owned a car and a condo... found an engagement ring and knew he was going to ask you to marry him.
  • Realise that you deserve better. A good guy won't leave you.
  • Realise that he is the one missing out.
That is all you really need to think about to get through this. Just brush it off. You may cry a little bit and wonder where did it all go wrong and analyse texts and previous phone calls but it gets better.

Now for the Mr. A.'s out there:
  • If you don't like someone, tell them you're not interested and move on.
  • If you only want to be friends, tell the person that you just want to be friends.
  • Also, don't ignore them. It's excruciating and it's also very rude. It reflects badly on you and not on them. Respond and tell them that you're not interested.
 The 'don't do this please':

  • Lie that you're leaving the country. You are making him/her worried. 
  • Lie that you have a terminal illness and that you can't be with the person for that reason. It's nauseating. No further explanation of why you shouldn't do that needs to be given.
  •  Tell the person why you don't like them. You don't need to damage them psychologically after rejecting them and then pointing out that they are the problem.
  • Get caught with another person the next day. That is so mean.
  • Get in touch again and tell them you're interested. It seems that you only want one thing. If you genuinely like them then win over their heart by doing a Romeo and Juliet type of serenade.
  • Bad mouth this person to anyone else (especially if they did absolutely nothing wrong!).
I needed to get this off my chest and I feel better. I hope you do too (not the Mr. A.'s but the victim of Mr. A.).

EU/UK Naturals: Use Lola's Green Hair to sell unwanted products!

Hi all.

I  need to share something about Lola's Green Hair. For those who don't know, Lola's Green Hair is owned by the lovely Lola Zabeth (who is also a great mixtress and blogger!).

Having hair products that you're not going to use is frustrating. It takes up space and it's just waiting to expire (money wasted). Lola's Green Hair allows you to sell brand new and even partially used hair products... it's sort of like an eBay for hair care.

I stumbled upon Lola's Green Hair months ago and was kind of sad at the thought that we don't have a UK version of it.

Lola's Green Hair has a new and official twitter now and I was reminded of the sad thoughts that I had months ago (sad, yes, I'm this serious about hair care products).

I tweeted:

 Lola responds with:

Then a lightbulb switched on... we EU and UK ladies can indeed use Lola's Green Hair to get rid of our hair products and earn a little bit of money in the process too.

So how does Lolas Green Hair work? According to the website:

  1. You must register/login if you haven’t already done so.
  1. Click the orange ‘post an ad’ button.
  1. You will then be guided through 3 simple steps to submit your ad, including the option to upload images (highly recommended—ads with pictures sell quicker).
  1. Your ad will be posted immediately.
  1. To make changes to the add, click ‘My Dashboard’ (upper right-hand corner).
  1. Click on your ad. Use the social media icons at the bottom to Tweet, post to Facebook, and use other channels to spread the word about what you’re selling!
  1. You will be notified of potential buyers via email.  Note: Your email address will never be visible to potential buyers.  Inquiries are sent via the ad’s ‘contact’ form.
  1. To respond to purchase inquiries, open the email message completely (not in preview pane) to see the potential buyer’s email address.
  1. Email buyer at this email address to discuss and confirm purchase details.
  1. Request payment from buyer (typically done through PayPal). Here are two helpful links: How to Set Up a PayPal AccountRequest Money Through PayPal.
  1. Once payment is received, take your ad offline by clicking the Pause (||) icon for the ad in your dashboard. This way you will not get further requests for a product that is already sold.
  1. Deliver product upon receipt of payment.
  1. Put the money from your sell into your 401(k).
  1. Congratulate yourself for being so smart!
  1. Head over to for some fresh-picked DIY hair care recipes!
  1. Click on the ad that you are interested in.
  1. Click on the ‘contact’ tab to the right of the product description.
  1. Complete the form to send a message expressing your interest to the seller.
  1. Send payment (typically through PayPal) to the buyer. Here are two helpful links: How to Set Up a PayPal AccountSend Money Through PayPal.
  1. Try to contain your excitement while waiting for your package to arrive.
  1. Pat yourself on the back for being such as savvy shopper!
  1. Head over to for some fresh-picked DIY beauty recipes!
Simple right?

Why didn't I think of it before?

If you're selling, you've got full control over where you want to ship it to. If you're UK based or even EU based, you can write 'UK and/or EU shipping only' (unless you want to ship it elsewhere).  It's that simple!!! I feel like I've made a brand new discovery.

But there's a problem; we need more sellers/buyers in these regions so that we can sell/buy quickly!

So if you're like me (you need to get rid of a lot of hair care products but you want some money in return) sign up and give it a go! I'd love to give my products away for free but I need to make a living.

I'll make use of Lola's Green Hair sometime in the future. But I am hoping that more UK and EU naturals will make use of this service.