Thursday, 28 February 2013

Grieving Notes 3

My aunt came from abroad. She wasn't here during the time my brother died, so this was her first time coming here since the news.

As expected, she was devastated and inconsolable.

I remember getting from work last Friday and I was attempting to console her.

She was very sympathetic towards me and my siblings. She was very hurt for us all.

I had to control my flood of tears because I really didn't want to relive all the emotions again. I relive those emotions almost daily. That Friday, was a good day for me and I didn't want that to be taken away from me. It sounds selfish to want to sometimes forget everything that has happened. You want it to be pushed into the back of your mind so that you can smile, do something awesome and just carry on living.

It's selfish, but that's what I wanted... that is what I needed; a break from all the thinking about my brother and most importantly, about the fact that he's no longer here.

How are we doing?

We are doing well considering (that is always my response to anyone who asks).

It's nice for people to care enough to know how you're doing, but it's really awkward answering. Some days I just want to say that I want to crawl under a rock and stay there until I have no more memories of my brother... it's just that painful.

Now and then me and my sister discuss the funny things my brother would do or say...

Every time something happens I know exactly what his reaction would be... if it was funny, he'd laugh. If anyone in the family did good in something, he'd praise us.

This is tough.